Is our legacy predetermined, or do we hold the power to change it as we go?

It’s amazing how a little bit of snow dampers much more than just the weather. The incredible DMV Blizzard of 2010 crushed my ambitions and left me silent in the process. That was a year ago, no more excuses left to offer; only the truth of it all...

With little more than naive idealism I assumed this journey of writing would be second nature and the words would simply pour from my thoughts all neat and orderly; moronic right? In retrospect I'm not sure why I though writing would be an effortless motion; I write well to a degree but in all honesty I definitely benefit from rigorous editing and rewrites. Well, again this is a journey spiritual and metaphysical so I will as I have always, learn as I proceed; that is my way after all.


Enough of the psyche let me bring you up to date thus far. I would revel in the ability to say I have suddenly found life and all that awaits me. That is just abstractly preposterous; the thought makes me crack up and sob all at once. Listen, I can say at least that I am thinking more about what makes me tick and why I feel this constant void. I'm human, flawed at best and believe me that bit of knowledge taunts me. I worry with incredible degree what on earth my children may carry away from their childhood and later become those defining moments that shape them as adults.

I wish I could find solicitude in the fact that I care and I do honestly cringe at the thought nearly daily; I’m just certain my caring is not enough. Who am I kidding, I'm a shell of a person that cannot manage to completely explain in any intelligible detail who on earth I am or what makes me tick.  Will my uncertainties inevitability embroider scars in the souls of my children then bond them to greater disappointment or can I manage inspire them to mold my self induced inadequacies into tools that transcend them to greatness?